


Six Queens Walk into a Starbucks

by anxiousbutcaffeinated



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: All the queens go to the same college, Alternate Universe - College/University, Group chat, Modern AU, Multi, Texting, and he is trash, his name is henry, they all had the same shitty boyfriend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 11,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24324397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousbutcaffeinated/pseuds/anxiousbutcaffeinated
Summary: b.is.for.bitch:: henrys a little bitch babyladycatherine: I don’t need to talk bad about Henry to feel good about myself.ladycatherine: But you are correct.b.is.for.bitch: catherine saying I’m right? lord there has been a miracle in this gc tonightqween.of.cleves: I took screenshots for you babe---Or, Parr makes a group chat with the queens to vent about how Henry is trash, and they are all amazing women who become friends and support each other.
Comments: 190
Kudos: 328





	1. Henry Shithead Strikes Again

**Author's Note:**

> Just in case you couldn't guess, this is who's who:  
> ladycatherine: Catherine of Aragon  
> b.is.for.bitch: Anne Boleyn  
> j.seymom: Jane Seymour  
> qween.of.cleves: Anne of Cleves  
> katty.kat: Kathrine Howard  
> catherine.parr: Catherine Parr
> 
> Henry is a piece of shit and gets no back story other than he's a frat boy and we hate him, that's all you need to know. He's not making any appearance other than to be shit on, end of story.
> 
> Also this is in no way proof read, it goes from my brain on to paper and then I'm posting it. I'm trying to not over analyze and turn this into another unfinished and half developed story that never gets posted anywhere like everything else I write is. I'm hoping that if I write it and post it without reading it too many times my dumb brain won't notice and then I won't stop myself.

**Thurs Mar 21, 4:32 pm**

catherine.parr: My friends broke up me and my boyf to set me up with Henry Shithead and don’t understand why they’re garbage, I need people to sympathize with me

qween.of.cleves: your friends suck

catherine.parr: i know

b.is.for.bitch: henry is still alive? 

b.is.for.bitch: i thought he drank himself to death like two years ago

catherine.parr: I can confirm he is alive and still a dirtbag

katty.kat: He is a criminal and should be dead.

b.is.for.bitch: is this turning into a teen romance where we all kill him together and then someone falls in love? i am bi as heck and will kiss someone in the rain

j.seymom: We are not planning a murder!

ladycatherine: Death is too kind. 

b.is.for.bitch: catherine that is the hottest thing you have ever said

qween.of.cleves: keep it in your pants Anne, don’t scare off the newbie

catherine.parr: do you guys already know each other?

ladycatherine: Jane made a group chat for us a while ago, there were only four of us back then

katty.kat: he’s toxic and my therapist says I shouldn’t talk to him

qween.of.cleves: can you talk shit  _ about  _ him?

katty.kat: idk im gonna ask 

katty.kat: she said okay

b.is.for.bitch: sick

b.is.for.bitch: henrys a little bitch baby

ladycatherine: I don’t need to talk bad about Henry to feel good about myself. 

ladycatherine: But you are correct.

b.is.for.bitch: catherine saying I’m right? lord there has been a miracle in this gc tonight

qween.of.cleves: I took screenshots for you babe

j.seymom: I don’t want to be mean.

catherine.parr: He convinced my friends to tell my bf of three years that I was cheating on him so he would dump me and then they set me up with Henry. I wanna talk shit

catherine.parr: I was looking at engagement rings

catherine.parr: He is the worst person I’ve ever met

katty.kat: I wanna say something mean.

b.is.for.bitch: say it

katty.kat: I’m nervous 

b.is.for.bitch: here im holding your hand

b.is.for.bitch: *middle finger emoji*

b.is.for.bitch: whoops wrong one

b.is.for.bitch: *holding hand emoji*

b.is.for.bitch: there

qween.of.cleves: HENRY HAS A TINY DICK

katty.kat: Here I go

katty.kat: His beard was really ugly

katty.kat: waiT IT WAS MY TURN

catherine.parr: he had a beard?!

katty.kat: yeah, he always had food and stuff in it, it made him look old and gross

b.is.for.bitch: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA pics or it didnt happen

katty.kat: *picture attached*

B.is.for.bitch: anne im sorry but kat has stolen your spot as my fave

qween.of.cleves: I’m deleting the screenshot

b.is.for.bitch: WAIT

qween.of.cleves: no one will ever believe you

ladycatherine: And it will never happen again.

catherine.parr: you guys are amazing, thank you for making my day

qween.of.cleves: I can’t help it, but your welcome


	2. First Rule of "I Hate Henry Club"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These ladies are lovely disasters, I don't know what else to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay people actually liked this and I'm shook. The reviews are so sweet and I appreciate all of you! Serotonin, is that you? It's been too long my friend. Anyway, here's some more, hope y'all like it.

**Fri Mar 22, 2:41 pm**

katty.kat: Hey guys, Delta Nu is having a bake sale at the student union today, come by if you want some brownies, cupcakes, or muffins. All the money goes to help domestic abuse survivors, it’s a really good cause!

b.is.for.bitch: are they… fun brownies?

katty.kat: Yeah, they have sprinkles and cookie crumbles on top!

ladycatherine: Sweetie, that’s not what she means.

j.seymom: Anne, they wouldn’t sell pot brownies at a fundraiser.

j.seymom: I’ll definitely stop by after class Kat, save me a cupcake!

katty.kat: Anne! We are not selling any baked goods laced with drugs!

b.is.for.bitch: I had to ask, I could definitely get enough people to sell you out if they were pot brownies.

catherine.parr: I’ll stop by too Kat, that sounds awesome.

qween.of.cleves: I want some brownies, but only if they don’t have drugs in them.

katty.kat: There are no drugs!

ladycatherine: You ruin everything you touch Anne.

b.is.for.bitch: it was a joke ill buy some brownies sorry no one here can take a joke

* * *

**Fri Mar 22, 4:24 pm**

katty.kat: *picture attached*

katty.kat: Guys! Anne stopped by and bought a whole plate of cookies! And she brought me an iced coffee! She’s a sweetheart!

b.is.for.bitch: lies and slander

ladycatherine: Did someone feel guilty? Who knew you had a heart.

j.seymom: That’s really sweet Anne!

qween.of.cleves: I’m calling bs, how the hell did she know your order?

b.is.for.bitch: i guessed its mostly milk and caramel with a splash of coffee

katty.kat: It was perfect! All my sisters were so excited, you’re welcome to come back any time!

b.is.for.bitch: im not really the sorority type unless im walking out in the same clothes i wore the night before if you know what i mean 

qween.of.cleves: Stop lying Anne, you are a tiny attention whore who needs everyone to like you. You ~care~ about others feelings and shit.

b.is.for.bitch: LIES AND SLANDER

b.is.for.bitch: what happened to anne solidarity

qween.of.cleves: you should have brought me coffee

katty.kat: I appreciate you Anne, you’re really sweet!

b.is.for.bitch: i cant stand this im leaving

[b.is.for.bitch has logged off]

katty.kat: I’m posting this on my page!

j.seymom: Yes! Anne needs more positivity in her life.

ladycatherine: Anne needs to stop being a disaster.

catherine.parr: Why do you hate Anne @lady.catherine ??? She’s not that bad.

qween.of.cleves: Catherine’s just bitter because Henry cheated on her with Anne, it’s been two years and she’s still not over it.

ladycatherine: Incorrect, this is how I am with everyone.

ladycatherine: For example, Anne your grammar is atrocious, Katherine you coffee order is basic, and Catherine your friends are garbage.

catherine.parr: What about Jane?

ladycatherine: You can’t say anything mean about Jane.

qween.of.cleves: Jane is an angel, we’re lucky to have her.

katty.kat: Don’t be mean to Jane!

[b.is.for.bitch has logged on]

b.is.for.bitch: Jane is a sweetheart and we’re just happy she’s here.

[b.is.for.bitch has logged off]

catherine.parr: Okay, okay, I didn’t mean anything by it!

catherine.parr: And how did Anne know to come back?

qween.of.cleves: I texted her.

j.seymom: You guys are so sweet! <3<3<3

qween.of.cleves: rule number one of “I Hate Henry Club” is that you hate Henry

qween.of.cleves: rule number two is that Jane is the best out of all of us and we need to be nice to her

j,seymom: You should be nice to everyone, but I appreciate the sentiment.

katty.kat: See!

catherine.parr: Okay, understood. Any more rules I should know?

ladycatherine: Yes.

catherine.parr: Can you tell me them?

ladycatherine: No.

ladycatherine: You learn from your mistakes, that’s how we all ended up here.

qween.of.cleves: actually we just love roasting people, don’t listen to her

katty.kat: I know most of them by now, it doesn’t take that long.

catherine.parr: Good to know 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that was a Legally Blonde reference, sue me. Actually don't, I'm a broke college kid without a job, but I regret nothing.  
> Okay, I have a very important question I need answered: would boleyn say y'all?


	3. Can Someone Loan Me Some Pants?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You cant wear a dress to lab, and sometimes you gotta hope your girls come through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The votes are in, and 100% Boleyn would say y'all.

* * *

**Mon Mar 25, 10:11 am**

j.seymom: I have lab at 3 today and I wore a skirt by accident, is anyone wearing pants and are willing to let me borrow them? I have classes back to back and don’t have time to get to my apt.

katty.kat: Sorry Jane, I’m wearing a skirt too

ladycatherine: I have a dress on too.

catherine.parr: Mine have rips in them, sorry.

qween.of.cleves: I got you girl. 

j.seymom: Thank you Anne! Can you meet me in the bio building a little before three?

qween.of.cleves: np, you got a belt? Because I don’t think your booty can handle these pants

j.seymom: No, but I can figure something out.

b.is.for.bitch: im wearing shorts but I have a belt

b.is.for.bitch: me and anne can vibe and get coffee while you go be smart

qween.of.cleves: party in the bio cafe

j.seymom: You guys are the best, thank you! And coffee is on me, you’re lifesavers!

b.is.for.bitch: hell yeah

qween.of.cleves: free coffee and I get to see Jane in my ridiculous pants? today is a gift

j.seymom: I get to see Anne in my baby blue midi skirt? It’s gonna be like freaky friday

b.is.for.bitch: dont worry yall ill send pics 

catherine.parr: god bless

* * *

**Mon Mar 25, 3:23 am**

b.is.for.bitch: whats it like being smart?

qween.of.cleves: Anne #2 is having a breakdown

b.is.for.bitch: janie has goggles and other lab stuff, she looked super smart

katty.kat: you’re smart Anne, dont let anyone tell you differently!

b.is.for.bitch: is someone calling me stupid?

ladycatherine: Me.

b.is.for.bitch: fair

ladycatherine: Every time you speak I get a headache, whether I can hear you or not.

b.is.for.bitch: omg keep going

ladycatherine: I loathe you.

catherine.parr: Anne you’re not dumb, don’t think like that.

qween.of.cleves: she legitimately believes the moon landing was fake

b.is.for.bitch: computers were barely a thing how could they have shot a person into space

catherine.parr: okay, that’s pretty dumb

b.is.for.bitch: next your gonna say that pandas are real

catherine.parr: pandas

catherine.parr: pandas are real

catherine.parr: you dont believe in pandas?

b.is.for.bitch: disney just made up a cute fluffy thing and called it an animal

ladycatherine: How have you survived into adulthood?

b.is.for.bitch: im a medical miracle

b.is.for.bitch: id say my parents are proud but that would be a lie

j.seymom: Anne don’t say that! Even if it’s true you are amazing and were all proud of you!

ladycatherine: I’m not.

b.is.for.bitch: love you too boo @j.seymom

qween.of.cleves: are you done in lab, please give me my pants back

b.is.for.bitch: yean my shorts are gonna fall off if I stand up and im not wearing cute underwear today

j.seymom: yeah I’m on my way!

b.is.for.bitch: *picture attached*

b.is.for.bitch: Janey and Anne, starring in the remake of Freaky Friday

j.seymom: We’re hanging out in Starbucks for a little if anyone wants to come!

katty.kat: I’m on my way!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has any ideas for a future chapter just let me know, I'm really just going with the flow on this story.


	4. Mozzarella Sticks Please!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catherine is ordering food and needs an extra six dollars to get free delivery, that's literally it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay reading reviews and stuff is so nice, y'all are so sweet and I'm so glad people like this! Here's another chapter, but I have absolutely nothing else written yet so let me know if you have any ideas.

* * *

**Wed Mar 27, 7:52 pm**

ladycatherine: I’m ordering pizza and need to spend five more dollars to get free delivery, who wants something?

katty.kat: MOZZARELLA STICKS

b.is.for.bitch: omg same

ladycatherine: Okay, you owe me $5.59. It’ll be at my place in half an hour.

b.is.for.bitch: ill pick you up kat lets get these sticks

katty.kat: ROAD TRIP

katty.kat: I’m at the Delta Nu house, I’ll be waiting out front.

qween.of.cleves: I want garlic bread

ladycatherine: Too late, the order is already confirmed.

qween.of.cleves: fuck

j.seymom: I’m making a slushie run if you want to come Anne?

qween.of.cleves: hell yes

b.is.for.bitch: wait i want a slush

katty.kat: but the sticks

b.is.for.bitch: damn i really want the stiks

b.is.for.bitch: im here kat

katty.kat: YAY

qween.of.cleves: jokes on you, I already have my blue and red slushie and it is delicious

b.is.for.bitch: yeah but im gonna have mots stics

ladycatherine: @b.is.for.bitch Is it literally impossible for you to spell correctly or use proper grammar?

b.is.for.bitch: yee

catherine.parr: ladies you’re all beautiful and your snacks are delicious, there’s no need to fight.

j.seymom: The real snack was the friendships we made along the way.

katty.kat: the real snack is ME

qween.of.cleves: *picture attached*

qween.of.cleves: @b.is.for.bitch damn this slushy is good

j.seymom: Usually I’d say don’t be petty Anne, but I look really cute in that picture

qween.of.cleves: it’s all about lighting girl

j.seymom: I’m posting it on my insta.

catherine.parr: with that angle, it deserves to be on your tinder

j.seymom: I don’t have a tinder, I don’t really like the online dating stuff. Meeting someone should be organic, you know?

qween.of.cleves: when straight boys slide into my dms I try to see if I can get them to send food to my apartment

ladycatherine: You’re giving strangers your address?

qween.of.cleves: No, I’m not stupid. I give them the address to the frat house down the street and they shoot me a text if anything shows. We have an agreement.

katty.kat: What is it?

qween.of.cleves: Not important

b.is.for.bitch: they ask her why there gfs are mad and she explains it in boy words

qween.of.cleves: don’t expose me like that

catherine.parr: you ever get anything good delivered?

qween.of.cleves: homecoming weekend they got sent a fully pizza and a bouquet of flowers, they were too drunk to understand what happened and ate my pizza

katty.kat: at least you got the flowers

qween.of.cleves: nah, the guys thought they were pretty and put them in their nasty kitchen

qween.of.cleves: I made out with the presidents gf so were even

b.is.for.bitch: you are my role model

j.seymom: No!

b.is.for.bitch: okay :(

katty.kat: Thank you for the sticks @ladycatherine !!!

ladycatherine: You’re welcome Kat.


	5. Cat is a Spotify Genius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne needs new music recommendations and Cat comes through big time. It's mostly nonsense, as usual.

* * *

**Thurs Mar 28, 11:42 pm**

b.is.for.bitch: i need some music recs some send shit on spotify

catherine.parr: o h shit my time has come

qween.of.cleves: What she means is send me the music because she is mooching off my premium

b.is.for.bitch: and you are using my netflix

qween.of.cleves: … proceed

catherine.parr: what kinda mood are you in? Angry songs? Sad songs? Feminist and power songs?

b.is.for.bitch: i just want some vibes

catherine.parr: I got you

catherine.parr: Spotify Playlist: boppin tunes

catherine.parr: Spotify Playlist: yeet haw

catherine.parr: Spotify Playlist: heroine but music

catherine.parr: Spotify Playlist: its this or cut off six inches of hair

b.is.for.bitch: … i think im speechless?

ladycatherine: A feat that had never happened before I presume?

katty.kat: Cat, your spotify is amazing

qween.of.cleves: this is crazy, you made all these?

catherine.parr: I’m a writer, I need very specific vibes when I’m trying to write something.

j.seymom: This is really cool Cat!

b.is.for.bitch: i think

b.is.for.bitch: i think i wanna make out with you

b.is.for.bitch: but like forever

qween.of.cleves: omg anne’s in love

catherine.parr: how about I just make you a playlist instead

b.is.for.bitch: im crying

j.seymom: Anne, when was the last time you slept, ate, and drank water?

Bitch: slept two days ago ate some cold pizza an hour ago

b.is.for.bitch: i havent drank water since coming to college

j.seymom: :o

katty.kat: I think you broke Jane

j.seymom: Drink a cup of water and go to sleep sweetie, you’ll feel a lot less emotional when you wake up

qween.of.cleves: doubt it

catherine.parr: I have a playlist for this too

catherine.parr: Spotify Playlist: bring me coffee or bring me death

b.is.for.bitch: you just get me

j.seymom: Anne, drink some water please.

ladycatherine: Jane might mother you to death if you don’t.

j.seymom: I care about my friends and don’t want them to die because they have no idea how to take care of themselves.

b.is.for.bitch: i dont want jane to be mad imma drink some water

b.is.for.bitch: its really cold and taste like nothing

j.seymom: Drink all of it please.

b.is.for.bitch: its delicious and i drank a whole cup

katty.kat: Cat I’m listening to all of your playlists, I love them so far!

j.seymom: Now go to bed Anne, and actually eat real food tomorrow morning.

catherine.parr: Thanks Kat, I’m gonna make you a playlist too.

katty.kat: Lots are Ariana Grande please!

catherine.parr: trust me, i got this

qween.of.cleves: is anyone going to comment on the playlist called “satan called and said henry is a bitch”

catherine.parr: … am i wrong?

qween.of.cleves: Anne is right, I wanna make out with you

catherine.parr: If I wasn’t so fucking straight I’d take you guys up on it, you’re both catches

b.is.for.bitch: you guys are my favorite bitches

b.is.for.bitch: goodnight

j.seymom: Goodnight Anne, text me tomorrow and let me know how you feel.

ladycatherine: this chat is a mess, but cat’s spotify is a god send

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummmmm, all the kudos and reviews are so sweet, I'm so glad people are liking the random shit I'm typing up. It's really inspiring me to actually write the stuff I want to, so thank you guys for that!


	6. I'm Sorry, HOW much coffee?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You ever accidentally get really over caffeinated? Take a wild guess as who do done it.*
> 
> I realized the horrible type before I posted, but it's too funny to delete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cut off the last chapter by a couple lines, so that is at the top of this and then the next chapter is just right below it.
> 
> Also, there used to be a service corgi who walked by one of my classes every day last fall, so this is dedicated to him. He was hard at work so I never asked for his name or distracted him, but this is for you boo!
> 
> Okay, last thing, I loved how much everyone enjoyed the fake spotify playlist names I made up. I lack the skills and music knowledge to make them, but I give you all free reign to use them as long as you send them to me too! I'm particularly proud of "yeet haw", I don't know why but I am.

* * *

**Fri Mar 29, 9:12 am**

b.is.for.bitch: @j.seymom what the fuck is in water i feel like a new woman

* * *

**Sat Mar 30, 12:17 pm**

j.seymom: I’m heading to starbucks, anyone want to get coffee?

ladycatherine: I’m studying in the library, feel free to join me.

katty.kat: OMGEEE YES COFFEE

j.seymom: Kat?

katty.kat: yeeeeessssss???????

j.seymom: Have you already had coffee today?

katty.kat: maaayyyybbbbeeeeee

ladycatherine: How much coffee have you had?

katty.kat: welllll, I got some with my sisters this morning

katty.kat: and the Anne got me some at lunch

katty.kat: and then I also drank some of hers after I finished mine but it was really strong and tasted gross

j.seymom: Kat

katty.kat: are you mad at me??? :((((

j.seymom: no, but maybe you should take it easy for the rest of the day

katty.kat: but the bean juice is so good

ladycatherine: Why don’t you just take Gus on a walk and get some fresh air?

j.seymom: But no stopping at starbucks while you’re out

katty.kat: thats a good idea, Gus likes walks!!!

catherine.parr: Who’s gus?

katty.kat: *picture attached*

katty.kat: *picture attached*

katty.kat: *picture attached*

katty.kat: Gus is my ES corgi and I love him

b.is.for.bitch: i love him too

qween.of.cleves: hes the coolest

ladycatherine: The only man I’ll stan.

b.is.for.bitch: okay I screenshot that catherine has never used the word stan before in her life

ladycatherine: At least I spelt and used it correctly.

catherine.parr: I love Gus and I also stan.

katty.kat: You can come walk with us and meet him!

qween.of.cleves: I’m coming

b.is.for.bitch: I’ll bring you some water kat

b.is.for.bitch: see jane im L E A R N I N G

j.seymom: I’m very proud of you.

j.seymom: I’m walking into the library now @ladycatherine !

ladycatherine: Look to your left.

katty.kat: I brought a tennis ball, Gus would love to play with you guys!

catherine.parr: best. day. ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story had over 100 kudos and 800+ hits... I literally so shocked. I so happy y'all like it, I'm so shocked. I just... the comments are so amazing and I love reading them.


	7. Dognapping Starring Anne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone suggested for Anne to get a dog, that's literally all it takes for me to spit out a story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I genuinely made a typo in one of Boleyn's lines and just left it because it was on brand, what have I created? That's all I have, enjoy!

* * *

**Sun Mar 31, 2:30 pm**

qween.of.cleves: so I may have done something impulsive

b.is.for.bitch: i already luv it

catherine.parr: What did you do?

qween.of.cleves: Well, some of my friends live on the other side of town

qween.of.cleves: and they have this neighbor who ALWAYS has their dog chained in the backyard

qween.of.cleves: and he’s skinny and they have this dirty water bowl that only fills when it rains

ladycatherine: Did you steal the dog?

qween.of.cleves: *picture attached*

qween.of.cleves: I stole the dog.

katty.kat: Do you have dog food and a collar and leash and toys and a bed? I can bring over some stuff until you get everything, but he’s much bigger than Gus

b.is.for.bitch: i dont know what dogs need but i can grab kat and we can get ou some stuff

qween.of.cleves: That would actually be awesome, I’ve got some food and my friends got me some people shampoo, but I don’t think I’m supposed to use that.

katty.kat: We’ll get you everything you need, don’t worry.

ladycatherine: You’re probably going to need to take him to a vet, it could get pricey.

qween.of.cleves: I’m gonna clean him up first and get him settled before I try and move him around, he’s pretty skittish.

catherine.parr: is there anything we can do?

qween.of.cleves: if you wanna come over and help me give a 60 lb scared dog a bath I won’t say no. His hair is pretty matted so I might need to shave some off.

ladycatherine: I’ll pick up Cat and we’ll grab some human food on the way.

catherine.parr: And coffee.

catherine.parr: Kat gets decaf though.

katty.kat: That’s fair. 

catherine.parr: @j.seymom are you here mom?

ladycatherine: She has a big exam tomorrow, she’s locked up with her notes until then. She’ll see this when she comes out for food and water.

qween.of.cleves: @j.seymom I know I committed a crime but it was the right thing, please don’t be mad mom

katty.kat: Do you have a color scheme you’d like us to follow?

qween.of.cleves: I trust you guys

b.is.for.bitch: you need to give us a name or else were just gonna make it say dog

katty.kat: We are not naming them dog!

b.is.for.bitch: :(

qween.of.cleves: they are a lady and her name shall be Qweenie

b.is.for.bitch: :)

katty.kat: that’s such a good name!

qween.of.cleves: I try ;)

ladycatherine: We’re here.

catherine.parr: We have sandwiches and coffee

* * *

**Sun Mar 31, 9:43 pm**

j.seymom: I’m sorry, @qween.of.cleves you did what?

queen.of.cleves: *picture attached*

queen.of.cleves: Qweenie is looking much better now.

j.seymom: I would die for her.

j.seymom: I will pay your bail if you get arrested for dognapping, too.

queen.of.cleves: <3 thanks for the assist today guys, I really appreciate it

katty.kat: idea, we make a joint insta for Gus and Qweenie

queen.of.cleves: guys, was anyone going to tell me Kat was a genius or were you trying to make me look like a fool?

ladycatherine: We don’t need to make you do anything, you are fully capable of being a fool on your own.

qween.of.cleves: you act like you don’t know I have a video of you cooing at qweenie for a minute straight

ladycatherine: …

ladycatherine: Fine, you win.

qween.of.cleves: Don’t be embarrassed Catherine, many have tried, but none have succeeded at beating me ;p

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been getting so much love, thank you guys! There is so much serotonin coming out of my brain and I don't know what to do with it!


	8. #PRANKED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's aprils fools, and the ladies are out for blood. Okay, not really, but they have fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple people asked for Anne to prank the other queens and somehow this was born from that. Not exactly what was asked for, but I had a lot of fun writing it so that's all that matters.
> 
> Also I've recently been traumatized by a spider crawling across my face while I was trying to go to sleep, so all the comments and love really made be feel a little better. The bitch has been spotted two days later but is unreachable and still at large.

**Mon Apr 1, 1:23 pm**

catherine.parr: what the fuck Anne?

qween.of.cleves: you’ll have to be more specific

b.is.for.bitch: yea

catherine.parr: Anne Boleyn

catherine.parr: what

catherine.parr: the

catherine.parr: fuck

j.seymom: what happened Cat?

b.is.for.bitch: i didn do it

catherine.parr: someone stole my backpack while I was in the bathroom and left a calling card signed “A. Boleyn”

catherine.parr: I have a six page term paper in that bag and it’s due in an hour

katty.kat: Anne give her back her bag

qween.of.cleves: that’s kinda a lame prank anne

b.is.for.bitch: i didnt do it!

b.is.for.bitch: im being frammed 

catherine.parr: I seriously don’t have the time @b.is.for.bitch my class starts at 2

b.is.for.bitch: if i did steal your bag I wouldnt have left a lame calling card

b.is.for.bitch: it wud hav been a ransom note with magazine letters and shit

catherine.parr: my only friends are in this chat and you’re the one most likely to do lame April fools day pranks

b.is.for.bitch: this is insulting my pranks arent lame!

catherine.parr: so you admit you pranked me?

b.is.for.bitch: no

b.is.for.bitch: i have a caramel iced coffee in my hand full of salt for kat

b.is.for.bitch: and i put like six fake parking tickets on anne 2s car

b.is.for.bitch: but i did not steal your bag

catherine.parr: *picture attached*

catherine.parr: you didn’t leave this note???

qween.of.cleves: if she wrote that half those words would have been spelt wrong

katty.kat: yeah that doesn’t look like her handwriting

j.seymom: Anne if you didn’t do it then who took her bag and tried to frame you? It’s sounds a little far fetched

b.is.for.bitch: @ladycatherine ur being quiet

ladycatherine: I’m in class, criminal.

j.seymom: No your not, you don’t have class after 1 on mondays

catherine.parr: My fellow Catherine, have you betrayed me?

ladycatherine: Is your paper really in your bag?

catherine.parr: YES. 

ladycatherine: … fine. I’m around the corner

b.is.for.bitch: YOU TRIED TO FRAME ME?!?!?!

ladycatherine: I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.

b.is.for.bitch: i should be mad, but im a little impressed

b.is.for.bitch: good fo you gurl

ladycatherine: Someone should get you a dictionary for your birthday, framed only has one ‘m’.

qween.of.cleves: Nice try Catherine

j.seymom: I don’t approve of pranking or framing your friends, but it was a good try. 

katty.kat: Wait, you put SALT in my coffee???

katty.kat: that’s why you offered to pick me up some???

b.is.for.bitch: happy april fools 

catherine.parr: there is no term paper

catherine.parr: *middle finger emoji*

catherine.parr: #PRANKED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is proof that if you send me ideas I will write something slightly to the left of what you asked for.


	9. Meow U Doin?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone gets a job at a cat cafe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone suggested this and I actually went back and found their name, so ShouJingshen you asked and I give you… cat cafe!
> 
> I have found that I literally cannot write anything coherent other than this, so expect more chapters of this for a while. And for an update: the evil spider disappeared but two others have been spotted and disposed of, so I'm strongly considering moving out.
> 
> Anyway that's all, now enjoy the shitshow that came out of my brain!

* * *

**Wed Apr 3, 9:23 am**

b.is.for.bitch: i got a job and your all gonna be jealous

ladycatherine: What is it?

b.is.for.bitch: i am the newst employee of Meow U Doin’

j.seymom: Congratulations Anne, that sounds so cool!

j.seymom: You have to tell us when you’re working, we’ll all come and visit!

katty.kat: That’s so cool! You get to work with cute little baby kitties! I wanna go!!!!

b.is.for.bitch: all the cats are little bastards and i lov it

j.seymom: explain??

b.is.for.bitch: they knock over drinks and swipe at people who pet them

b.is.for.bitch: sometimes if someone is to loud they climb up the cat tree things so high so they cant be pet and just watch them 

b.is.for.bitch: i vibe with tem

qween.of.cleves: so basically its you in cat form?

b.is.for.bitch: yea

katty.kat: I still wanna go, when do you work????

b.is.for.bitch: 6am to 10am dur the week

catherine.parr: that literally the worst schedule ever

b.is.for.bitch: its the best

b.is.for.bitch: i open and feed the cats and then no one comes in and i just hang out for my whole shift

j.seymom: That’s awesome Anne, it sounds like a really nice job.

qween.of.cleves: You are awake and at work by 6am???

b.is.for.bitch: it turns out if you just dont go to leep at night its easier to be awake in the morning

j.seymom: Anne!

b.is.for.bitch: no its okay mom dont worry

b.is.for.bitch: i go to work in the morning and then class after and then i sleep after class and wake up around 1 and then i do school things until work

katty.kat: Anne, that’s crazy

catherine.parr: That’s so bad anne, you can’t do that

b.is.for.bitch: why not i feel fine

b.is.for.bitch: and yes mom im frinking water still

j.seymom: that’s definitely not my number one concern right now

b.is.for.bitch: its literally fine i sleep enough and catch up on the weekends if i dont and they let me eat at work so i have real food at least once a day

qween.of.cleves: I have to admit, that’s better than you’ve been in the past

b.is.for.bitch: I KNOW aaaannnndddd i get money

j.seymom: if you say you’re taking good care of yourself I’ll trust you, but if you ever need help just call me

b.is.for.bitch: like thi smessage if jane is the best mom ever

qween.of.cleves:  _ Anne Cleves liked this message _

katty.kat:  _ Katherine Howard liked this message _

catherine.parr:  _ Catherine Parr liked this message _

ladycatherine:  _ Catherine Aragon liked this message _

b.is.for.bitch:  _ Anne THAT BITCH Boleyn liked this message _

j.seymom: you guys are the sweetest

b.is.for.bitch: when i have shmoney im gonna by you one of those mugs that says best mom ever

ladycatherine: Better make it a wine glass, Jane is classy.

catherine.parr: we can do both

j.seymom: Who would have thought I’d adopt five full grown women when I came to college?

qween.of.cleves: its a very you thing to do, I’m surprised you didn’t see it coming

katty.kat: yeah mom, we’d all be a mess without you

ladycatherine: We are still a mess, but Jane definitely helps.


	10. Katherine the Meme Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne is up at ungodly hours because she doesn't care about a normal sleep schedule, cue group chat madness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WiseGirlEverdeen, you asked for Anne waking everyone up in the middle of the night, and somehow this was born. 
> 
> I tried to copy and paste memes into the chapter but it went weird so just use your imagination.
> 
> Also, spider update, a SECOND spider crawled on my arm in the middle of the night and my mother thinks I'm making it up/dreaming it, so I feel like I am going crazy. That will either result in weird chapters or an uncurable writers block, who knows.

* * *

**Thurs Apr 4, 2:34 am**

b.is.for.bitch: time isnt real

katty.kat: preach

qween.of.cleves: you two are spending too much time together

b.is.for.bitch: your just jealous

katty.kat: you wish you were us

b.is.for.bitch: *high five emoji*

katty.kat: *high five emoji*

ladycatherine: What are you three doing up at two thirty am?

b.is.for.bitch: iv only been up for like an hour and im bored

katty.kat: Gus needed a potty break

qween.of.cleves: insomnia is a bitch

b.is.for.bitch: kat it is your time to shine

b.is.for.bitch: im asking you to send me some memes

katty.kat: AAHHH

katty.kat: LET THE MEMEING COMMENCE

qween.of.cleves: what have you done anne?

b.is.for.bitch: im bored and kat has good memes

catherine.parr: what the hell is going on???

katty.kat: *meme*

katty.kat: *meme*

katty.kat: *meme*

katty.kat: *meme*

ladycatherine: Kat please stop sending memes.

b.is.for.bitch: no they good

catherine.parr: you just have these on your phone?

katty.kat: *meme*

katty.kat: *meme*

ladycatherine: Kat.

catherine.parr: Kat please stop, my phone keeps buzzing and my roommates gonna wake up

b.is.for.bitch: your doing great sweetie keep going

katty.kat: *meme*

b.is.for.bitch: how dare you mock bigfoot hes just camera shy

katty.kat:*meme*

qween.of.cleves: she’s too strong, she can’t be stopped

ladycatherine: Kat, it's almost 3am, you need to go to sleep.

katty.kat: *meme*

katty.kat: *meme*

catherine.parr: what do we do? How do we get her to stop?

b.is.for.bitch: what have i done

b.is.for.bitch: syke i love chaos and am thriving

ladycatherine: You’re going to hell.

b.is.for.bitch: ill see you there babe *kissy face emoji*

katty.kat: *meme*

katty.kat: *meme*

j.seymom: Katherine Howard, it is time to go to sleep.

katty.kat: but moooooommmmmmmmm

katty.kat: Anne wanted memes

j.seymom: And you sent her plenty, now it is time for everyone to go to sleep and not wake me up until the sun has risen.

katty.kat: ...fine

katty.kat: goodnight guys

catherine.parr: Goodnight kat

b.is.for.bitch: thanks for the memes babes your a gem

katty.kat: at least someone appreciates my memeability

catherine.parr: definitely not a word


	11. Janey Needs Help This Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane is such a good mom, but even she needs help sometimes. Luckily her kids love her and are there!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of these chapters are Jane being a good mom friend, so I wanted one where Jane needed help for once. I'm not sure what it turned into, but that was my original intention.
> 
> Also all the suggestions people comment are amazing, so keep your eyes open for those!
> 
> And spider update: no more have appeared in the last few days, but I am still keeping my eyes wide open. Thank you for all the support from my fellow arachnophobes, I really appreciate it!

* * *

**Fri April 5, 12:43 pm**

ladycatherine: @b.is.for.bitch are you busy

b.is.for.bitch: whatup girl

ladycatherine: Jane needs to practice teaching elementary school children, and I immediately thought of you.

b.is.for.bitch: :o

qween.of.cleves: girl that was good, noice

b.is.for.bitch: i cant be offended by your burns because im mostly just impressed

ladycatherine: That’s why I get away with everything. Being the smartest person in the room can be exhausting, but it’s a burden I must bear.

b.is.for.bitch: @j.seymom im down to be edumacated where di i have to be

katty.kat: I’ll help too if you need it Janey

j.seymom: That’s alright guys, but thanks. I’m just gonna practice in my room.

b.is.for.bitch: we wanna help u mom

qween.of.cleves: come on jane, it’ll be fun

qween.of.cleves: I bet if we get the catherines drunk enough they’ll revert to elementary school children

ladycatherine: I will not

catherine.parr: Probably, I’m kinda a helpless drunk

b.is.for.bitch: teach me how to spell things jane

b.is.for.bitch: or what a comma is

b.is.for.bitch: or long division

b.is.for.bitch: or the names of all the states

catherine.parr: you don’t know the names of all the states?

b.is.for.bitch: thers a bunch why would i know their names

katty.kat: theres a song you could learn with all the states

b.is.for.bitch: jaaannnneeee teach me the song

j.seymom: You guys win, it would actually really help to practice with other people. If you guys wanna come by tonight we can make a night of it?

qween.of.cleves: ill bring the booze

ladycatherine: I’ll order pizza.

catherine.parr: I’ll bring chips.

katty.kat: I’m gonna make brownies for us

katty.kat: NORMAL BROWNIES ANNIE

b.is.for.bitch: ill just sit here and prepare to learn things

j.seymom: You guys are amazing, I love you!

katty.kat: you’re always there for us Jane, of course we’ll help you!

j.seymom: I will make sure to have extra treats and a cozy bed for Gus

katty.kat: *heart eyes emoji*

qween.of.cleves: can Queenie come too?

katty.kat: a puppy playdate!

ladycatherine: Remember that we’re doing this to help Jane prepare for her project.

catherine.parr: so we have to remain calm and sober until AFTER shes taught Anne how to spell

b.is.for.bitch: that might take a while

queen.of.cleves: we’ll walk the dogs while you educate our dear Annie, and then we’ll come back and vibe

katty.kat: that sounds like a good plan!

j.seymom: I’m walking into class now, but that sounds good to me. See you guys tonight!


	12. Aracnophobia is No Joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spiders are no laughing matter, this is serious!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @PikaPals16 suggested projecting my spider issues onto the queens, thus I give you… arachnophobic Anne of Cleves. Why Anne you ask? I just thought of who I would lease expect it from, and the idea came to me. Also there was another possible spider incident last night but it might have just been my shirt touching my arm, the perp was never found. I'm kinda going crazy, but it turns out that means I've written four more chapters to this so be ready for that.
> 
> Also I just listened to every alternate sing every song in the musical in one night and let me tell you, these girls are AMAZING and I LOVE THEM!!!!

* * *

**Sun Apr 7, 7:51 pm**

b.is.for.bitch: *picture attached*

b.is.for.bitch: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

qween.of.cleves: THIS ISNT FUNNY

catherine.parr: what the hell is going on?

ladycatherine: Anne, why are you standing on a counter?

qween.of.cleves: I can do whatever I goddam want in my own apartment, thank you very much

katty.kat: If you fall off Annie is laughing too hard to drive you to the hospital

b.is.for.bitch: FACTS

j.seymom: Anne, seriously, what are you doing?

qween.of.cleves: NOTHING

b.is.for.bitch: a spider crawled across the floor

qween.of.cleves: ANNE BOLEYN

b.is.for.bitch: it disappeared and now anne is losing her shit

catherine.parr: youre afraid of spiders anne?

qween.of.cleves: NO

qween.of.cleves: but that doesnt mean i want them crawling all over my shit

qween.of.cleves: can someone tell Annie to stop laughing and kill it

b.is.for.bitch: Qweenie is running in circles and barkingand anne is on the counter, im at the epicenter of kayos

ladycatherine: You can spell epicenter but not chaos?

qween.of.cleves: THIS IS NOT OUR MAIN PROBLEM RIGHT LADIES

katty.kat: maybe you should put her out of her misery Annie

b.is.for.bitch: i want everyone to look and see that katherine howard just told me to murder our close friend

katty.kat: that is NOT what i meant!

qween.of.cleves: i’m watching it crawl up the wall and Anne is just LAUGHING

b.is.for.bitch: anyone have some bugs i can feed it

b.is.for.bitch: i want it to fel comfortable in its new home

qween.of.cleves: ANNE

b.is.for.bitch: *video attached*

catherine.parr: oh my god, anne, seriously just kill the spider

j.seymom: She’s crying Anne, please just kill it.

b.is.for.bitch: it is a living thing and i dont wanna kill it

katty.kat: Annie!

ladycatherine: Anne.

j.seymom: Anne Boleyn!

catherine.parr: Anne!

qween.of.cleves: okay, everyone stop yelling at anne, she caught it in a cup and is bringing it out to my neighbor’s fire escape herb garden

katty.kat: that’s nice, spiders are good for gardens

b.is.for.bitch: update: anne’s pants are so tight she cant get off the counter

qween.of.cleves: ANNE

b.is.for.bitch: *picture attached*

b.is.for.bitch: before people yell at me im helping her down

catherine.parr: its the price of doing business, her pants are cute AF   
  


qween.of.cleves: if you guys never hear from Anne again its because I murdered her, i still havent decided if im going to or not

b.is.for.bitch: maybe wait until after i pay for the pizza

ladycatherine: I won’t turn you in.

katty.kat: i made the pic of anne on the counter her new contact photo, its an A+


	13. The Belt Buckle Ties is All Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parr has finally unlocked her friends backstories, and trashman is just trash always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a preface before this chapter. I started writing another chapter and then realized that part of it didn’t make any sense without knowing the fake backstory I made up in my head, so then I tried to figure out how to introduce some of it without making it weird and this is what I came up with. I have like a paragraph on each summarizing the nonsense for myself so I remember what I made up, so if this doesn’t make any sense I can post that, but hopefully this is coherent enough for you to understand
> 
> And just a warning in case anyone is sensitive, I based Katherine’s life on her in the musical, so like, she’s had shit happen, but I don’t say it explicitly I just imply it, so if that’s an issue for you you have been warned.
> 
> Also Henry is garbage so literally his name will not be mentioned, so far he has been referred to as shithead and trashman, I really don’t want to write about him because our queens are so much more than him, but he basically gets roasted and that’s it.
> 
> Side note, I tried my best to not make it feel weird and am very anxious about posting it, so if you hate it let's just pretend this never happened??? Let me know what you think about it.

* * *

**Mon Apr 8, 4:47 pm**

ladycatherine: This picture popped up in my phone’s memories and I thought you would enjoy it.

ladycatherine: Trigger warning @katty.kat : it contains the shit head who will not be named

katty.kat: thanks for the warning Catherine, but what did you just send us?

catherine.parr: oh shit oh shit oH SHIT are my eyes deceiving me?????

b.is.for.bitch: catherine has moved up to be my number one AHAHAHAHAHA

j.seymom:  _ Jane Seymour liked this message _

qween.of.cleves: can anyone actually believe that douche managed to bag all of us?

ladycatherine: For those who do not know, shithead and I grew up together and were dating for all of highschool. So I have a lifetime of embarrassing photos, you’re welcome.

b.is.for.bitch: i think what completes the pic is the belt buckle

b.is.for.bitch: it just really ties in the whole thing

catherine.parr: why is he dressed like a cowboy????

qween.of.cleves: im i crazy or does catherine still look hot here?

ladycatherine: You’re correct, I have been and always will be a catch.

j.seymom: Your self confidence really brings me joy Catherine, I really like that about you.

ladycatherine:  _ Catherine Aragon liked this message _

ladycatherine: I’m from the deep south, we had barn dances. And I’m a good southern lady, so of course I decided not to wear something tacky.

catherine.parr: Hold up, am I getting this right? You’re like a real life southern belle?

b.is.for.bitch: shes like georgia royalty

b.is.for.bitch: thats like half of why she hates me im a disgrace to her sensible sensibilities

ladycatherine: “sensible sensibilities” is nonsense

b.is.for.bitch: example a

catherine.parr: whats the other half?

b.is.for.bitch: shithead slid into my dms while he was still dating her and we hookkd up

qween.of.cleves: your unlocking all of our backstories cat, youve reached that level of friendship

catherine.parr: im touched

qween.of.cleves: so was i *winky face emoji*

qween.of.cleves: shithead was my lesbian awakening because he was a piece of shit and i realized that i always had shitty relationships because i didn’t actually like the guys, go figure

qween.of.cleves: also he was blackout drunk when we hooked up so when he actually met me he accused me of catfishing him because there was no way he’d sleep with someone so ugly

b.is.for.bitch: jokes on him becasue your hot af and hes just stupid

qween.of.cleves: honestly

catherine.parr: has shithead ever done a single good thing in his life?

j.seymom: when we were dating he was actually really sweet to me

ladycatherine: We’ve talked about this Jane, remember why he was so nice to you?

j.seymom: I know, I know, he was just using me to pass the class we had together.

j.seymom: I just thought he genuinely liked me back then, don’t worry I know much better now.

qween.of.cleves: good, because we love you and you deserve better than some conniving, cheating, emotionally manipulative piece of shit bf

catherine.parr: PREACH

katty.kat: i know we’re all doing a sharing thing, but I really don’t like talking about it so im not going to, sorry 

b.is.for.bitch: you never have to share with us if you don’t want to

b.is.for.bitch: its not a contest to see who had it worse we all have our own trauma that we deal with differently 

b.is.for.bitch: adn your amazing and we love you

qween.of.cleves: annie, your sweetheartness is showing

j.seymom: leave annie alone anne, shes right and were sorry if we made you uncomfortable Kat

j.seymom: You don’t have to talk about it but if you would ever like to you can always reach out to any of us no matter what.

katty.kat: im sending you all gus pictures right now because I love you and trashman is trash

catherine.parr: whoo dont hold back girl

katty.kat: TRASHMAN IS T R A S H

katty.kat: *picture attached*

qween.of.cleves: Here’s a picture of Qweenie just for you Kat because we love and support you

qween.of.cleves: *picture attached*

j.seymom: That is so cute, I can’t put into words how cute they both are.

* * *

**Mon April 8, 5:32 pm**

_ Direct Message _

ladycatherine: Hey Kat, I just want to make sure that I didn’t upset you by starting up a conversation about trashman. I won’t send anymore embarrassing throwback pictures in the chat anymore if you don’t want me to.

katty.kat: we’re good catherine, don’t worry about it! It does kinda help to talk about him passively with you guys, since you all agree and know that he is an awful person, I just am not really comfortable talking about specifics and stuff

ladycatherine: I’d never make you do that, I’m really sorry if the conversation turned in a way to make it seem like that.

katty.kat: thanks for texting to check on me, its really sweet but i promise im okay

katty.kat: we’re having movie night at the Delta Nu house and Gus is here keeping me calm, so I’m good.

ladycatherine: Good, I’m glad you’re okay. And Jane was right, if you ever need someone to talk with about that or anything you can ask any of us.

katty.kat: I know, you guys are the best family a girl could ask for. I’m really glad I met all of you. <3 <3 <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in summary,   
> 1: Aragon is from and old money georgia family and is classy as hell, she and henry were high school sweethearts but she dumped his ass the second he found out he cheated and is so much better off without him.
> 
> 2: Boleyn had Henry slide into her dms freshman year and they started going out, but it was very unhealthy and finally she dumped him because he is biphobic and has a very fragile masculinity that Anne crushed into a million pieces by being amazing
> 
> 3: Jane was in one if his sophomore year classes and they "fell in love", Jane fell for him and Henry fell for the grades she was helping him get. He dumped her after finals and it took her a while to get over him, but the queens helped
> 
> 4: They're at a party, Henry is blacked out at this point, and he meets the amazing Anne of Cleves and they hook up. He doesn't remember what she looks like, but all his bros hype her up and they are texting a bunch now. When they meet in person Henry is a dick and accusing her of catfishing him, Anne is seconds away from literally destroying him but walks away because she's better than that. And then she realizes that maybe she likes ladies more than guys and now she's thriving.
> 
> 5: Katherine was a naive freshman, Henry was a piece of shit junior, when she wanted to stop he didn't and he's the worst person alive. But she has Gus and all her queens and she is doing just fine thank you very much.
> 
> 6: I've already mentioned Cat's story, but to review she was in love with her bf Thomas, Henry convinced her friend to help break them up so he could have a shot with her. They did, Henry swooped in to save the day, but Cat quickly realized that Henry is GARBAGE and she can do better
> 
> So yeah, that's basically all you need to know, and if you hate it just pretend you didn't read this chapter and continue on in ignorance!


	14. Who Thought This Was A Good Idea?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boleyn is the best at ideas, she's never had a bad idea. Name one bad idea she's had, we'll wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the super nice comments from the last chapter were super sweet and I loved all of them, thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed! Also, this just broke 2500 hits and I'm like... in shock??? This is really just me trying to empty some chaos my brain out in a productive manner and the fact that people like it so much is so nice????
> 
> Here is a nice, chaotic, fun chapter to lift us up from the last one, a follow up to Anne Boleyn trying to sleep during the day and work morning shifts. We all knew that was going to go terribly. Enjoy!
> 
> Edit: i posted this without changing the usernames from my nicknames I use while I'm writing and feel like I've exposed a deep dark secret even though it's not that bad, so lets all pretend you saw nothing

* * *

**Tues Apr 9, 11:11 am**

ladycatherine: @b.is.for.bitch Are you okay?

b.is.for.bitch: yee y u askin

ladycatherine: I literally just saw you fall down the stairs and now you’re just laying there texting me and humming to yourself.

ladycatherine: *picture attached*

b.is.forbitch: wll sht

qween.of.cleves: what song?

ladycatherine: video killed the radio star

b.is.for.bitch: ITS REALLY ABOUT PRINCESS DIANA GETTING MURDERED BY THE VATICAN

catherine.parr: its really not

j.seymom: did you hit your head when you fell?

j.seymom: and can you help her instead of just watching her lay on the stairs like that Catherine?

ladycatherine: i’m helping her, but shes mostly dead weight so the crazy one will be texting for both of us now

b.is.for.bitch: u knw how i had tha brilliant plan bout sleepin durng the day n working at night so i culd hav early shift at work

b.is.for.bitch: that isnt a good ide turns ut

b.is.for.bitch: Cathrn says i ned go 2 slep nw bc im depraved

j.seymom: I think she means deprived, have you not been sleeping at all anne?

qween.of.cleves: who would have thought that her spelling could get worse?

b.is.for.bitch: she def said depraved

b.is.for.bitch: MEAN

katty.kat: ill stop by later and bring you some dinner Annie, just get some rest

catherine.parr: is it wrong of me to call her and ask her to explain her conspiracy theories while shes this out of it?

j.seymom: yes it is cat

qween.of.cleves: itd be funny as hell though

qween.of.cleves: when shes back with the living ask her about flat earthers, its hilarious

catherine.parr: shes not seriously into that is she?

qween.of.cleves: I honestly cant tell

b.is.for.bitch: erth ft d gvt dt wnt s ni but t nwls ot moon

katty.kat: she does not seriously believe the earth is flat guys, dont worry

katty.kat: she does know literally everything about mk ultra though, its kinda creepy

b.is.for.bitch: BIRDS ARENT REAL

j.seymom: stop antagonizing Anne everyone, she’s clearly not feeling well and is going to be embarrassed when shes better

qween.of.cleves: Anne has never been embarrassed once in her life

ladycatherine: I got her back to her apartment, thanks for the help everybody.

ladycatherine: She’s sleeping so I’m just going to camp out here to make sure she doesn’t do anything else stupid.

j.seymom: I’ll come over after my classes are done if you want to leave, but someone should be there to make sure she doesn’t die in her sleep.

qween.of.cleves: poor annie, another one of her brilliant ideas has gone terribly wrong

katty.kat: remember when she decided that it would be an awesome idea to wear six inch heels all the time because it would be a workout and make her intimidatingly tall at the same time?

qween.of.cleves: I remember driving her to the ER when she sprained her ankle tripping on the curb

ladycatherine: Let’s be honest, adding six inches only made her like 5’7, so she was only slightly above average at best.

katty.kat: yeah but she thought that being tall would give her more power, she enjoyed it until the er trip

qween.of.cleves: that’s usually when she stops enjoying her plans

ladycatherine: @j.seymom If you could bring me a coffee when you come I would really appreciate it. I had to toss mine to be able to carry sleeping beauty back to her room.

qween.of.cleves: i took screenshots for anne so she can see you calling her beautiful

ladycatherine: She’s in this chat, she’ll be able to see them when she wakes up. But go off if you want.

katty.kat: shes doing this just because annie is asleep, don’t let her win

ladycatherine: *winky face emoji*

qween.of.cleves: your cruel Catherine

ladycatherine: I carried her across campus!

j.seymom: I’ll bring you coffee Catherine, don’t worry.

ladycatherine: Thank you.


	15. I am SO GOOD at Drinking Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The queens discuss spring break plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had another spider sighting, two in one day, and I am losing my mind! I could not catch the bastard so he is still at large, but he was right near my face again.
> 
> I have also started and stopped like four other stories because I am incapable of writing anything real, so expect more chapters for the time being! That's it, quarantine life is boring, enjoy!

* * *

**Weds Apr 10, 7:54 pm**

catherine.parr: so i have a little problem and im hoping you guys can help me out

katty.kat: whats wrong?

ladycatherine: We’re here for whatever.

b.is.for.bitch: i wil stab a bitch

ladycatherine: We know Anne.

b.is.for.bitch: just reminding everynoe tht im down for crime if the need be

catherine.parr: Its not crime related

b.is.for.bitch: im still doen for whatever

catherine.parr: my parents say I can’t come home for spring break unless i get back together with thomas

catherine.parr: im “ruining my life” and “should just forgive him” or whatever

katty.kat: im so sorry cat, thats garbage

b.is.for.bitch: i dont go home either my parents sent me off to college and never looked back

b.is.for.bitch: you can come stay at my place with me and kat itll be fun

j.seymom: I’m so sorry Cat, that’s really awful. You’re always welcome to come home with me if you want, but I’m flying home

ladycatherine: I’m expected home, shithead will surely be at all the town events and whatnot, so if you would like to come and make passive aggressive comments you are free too.

qween.of.cleves: yeah I’m flying back to germany, but i’ll so give you my apartment key if you’d rather be alone and brood

b.is.for.bitch: well have both dogs and im gonna teach kat how to play beer pong

j.seymom: anne.

b.is.for.bitch: using rootbeer mom dont worry

katty.kat: apparently sorority girls need to know how to cheat at drinking games, but i dont know any

catherine.parr: i love you guys so much

catherine.parr: also i am SO GOOD at cheating at drinking games

ladycatherine: Lord, please protect the girls livers from the sin that is about to infect them next week.

b.is.for.bitch: thanks babe that means we can double what we were planning on

katty.kat: noice

qween.of.cleves: i wanna stay at the party house too!!!

b.is.for.bitch: but if you go home you get to eat fancy german candy

katty.kat: yeah you said you’d bring us back some too

qween.of.cleves: literally the only reason im going home

qween.of.cleves: wait also the beer

ladycatherine: I’ve been writing down insults for shithead for the last two weeks and I literally cannot wait to remind his parents about how disappointed they should be that their son is a disgrace.

j.seymom: I’m just planning on seeing my family and catching up with my friends back home, how am I the odd woman out here?

b.is.for.bitch: because were animals

katty.kat: we are amazing annie

qween.of.cleves: nah weve definitely got some chaotic energy between us

ladycatherine: That’s all @b.is.for.bitch

katty.kat: Hey! I can be chaotic if I want to!

j.seymom: Yes you can Kat.

katty.kat: *heart eyes emoji*

catherine.parr: @ladycatherine you haven’t seen me after three days of no sleep during finals, now that is chaos

qween.of.cleves: i cannot wait

b.is.for.bitch: ill keep you guys updated on it we break cat during our week of fun


	16. Mom Gets Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the last night before they all leave for spring break, so they queens are going out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The document I type this on is now 45 pages long... what??? The doc is lagging to much it's hard to scroll and for some reason that make me crack up? I have 45 pages of the queens of Six shitposting basically, just love that. Anyway, here's the next chapter, enjoy!
> 
> p.s. someone told me i needed to make the next chapter about their spring break misadventures and girl you are not ready for the shit that is going down. the next three or four chapters will probably be that so get ready!

* * *

**Thurs Apr 11, 4:56 pm**

qween.of.cleves: what are you guys wearing later, cute or homeless looking?

b.is.for.bitch: homeless

j.seymom: homeless

katty.kat: im always cute

ladycatherine: Cute.

catherine.parr: cute

katty.kat: yay, go team ckcatherine

catherine.parr: *high five emoji*

ladycatherine: Do you have to spell it like that?

katty.kat: yes I do

catherine.parr: we’re cute, spelling doesn’t matter

qween.of.cleves: am I allowed to join the cute ckckcatherine club?

ladycatherine: No.

qween.of.cleves: fuck you catherine

j.seymom: it’s what’s on the inside that matters ladies

qween.of.cleves: give me one example

b.is.for.bitch: fridge

qween.of.cleves: damn you right

b.is.for.bitch: i may be stupid but im a genius

qween.of.cleves: how are you still alive?

ladycatherine: We’ve already had this conversation and I don’t have the patience for repeats.

ladycatherine: We’re meeting at 7 o’clock, correct?

catherine.parr: yeah

katty.kat: reminder that me and @ladycatherine are the designated drivers

b.is.for.bitch: @katty.kat remind me to give you my switch blades before I get drunk i dont wanna stab anyone again

j.seymom: You’ve never stabbed anyone in your life Anne Boleyn

catherine.parr: do you actually have knives in your purse?

b.is.for.bitch: i got them at the thrift store because they matched my aesthetic

qween.of.cleves: yet another example of the Boleyn web of lies where she pretends to be a badass

b.is.for.bitch: hey i AM a badass

ladycatherine: You refused to kill a spider because it wouldve been murder.

b.is.for.bitch: im sorry is it roast anne day and i forgot to mark my calendar???

b.is.for.bitch: im chanigng my answer im gonna look hotter than all of you guys because i can

katty.kat: annie dont be mean

katty.kat: also theres no way you can look better than me

qween.of.cleves: well I think you’re all refrigerators

catherine.parr: was that yyou being mean or nice?

qween.of.cleves: nice

catherine.parr: pretty weird but go off

j.seymom: If I have to deal with all five of you fighting tonight I expect you all to keep my wine glass full.

b.is.for.bitch: OMG lets get mom WASTED

ladycatherine: If we all buy you a glass will that be enough for the evening?

j.seymom: yes

qween.of.cleves: I promise to film janey if she starts getting wild

j.seymom: It’s my last night before I live with my parents for a week, I can let loose

b.is.for.bitch: i hope you meet the man of your dreams but your so drunk that you have to walk back everything you say tonight but he still luvs you because yur great

j.seymom: … thank you?

qween.of.cleves: Kat you need to stop making Annie watch romcoms, I think it’s melting ehr brain more

katty.kat: No, I watch her awful scary movies so I get to watch every Nicholas Sparks movie I want

ladycatherine: Everyone stop texting and get ready, see you at the bar.


	17. Aragon is the Peach Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catherine updates the queens on how her home life is and things take TURN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These last few days have been crazy and I literally didn't know what day it is, but here is another update right on time! I had a lot of fun writing this one, the next few chapters are going to be in a very similar vein of chaos so be ready.

* * *

**Sat Apr 13, 11:21 am**

ladycatherine: There is a fair going on in my hometown and I have been crowned the Peach Queen, how should I use my power?

b.is.for.bitch: pics or it didnt hapen

ladycatherine: Sorry, I only send pictures to people who use correct grammar.

b.is.for.bitch: May I have pictures of your reign as Peach Queen to prove that you actually won it?

b.is.for.bitch: Also, I cordially invite you to suck my dick.

ladycatherine: You’re a monster but I am a woman of my word.

ladycatherine: *picture attached*

queen.of.cleves: HAHAHA

catherine.parr: is that shithead creeping in the back

ladycatherine: He’s been following me around because his father said he wouldn’t get his inheritance unless he marries a good southern woman like myself.

ladycatherine: I’m having so much fun ruining his life.

b.is.for.bitch: omg that s so hot catherine

katty.kat: destroy him

queen.of.cleves: are you taking suggestions?

ladycatherine: Always.

queen.of.cleves: You should tell all the other eligible ladies that he has a tiny dick

catherine.parr: or that he has got a bunch of girls pregnant and has a hoard of children waiting for him at college

b.is.for.bitch: or that he sent so many dick pics his phone exploded and caught his frat house on fire

j.seymom: You can just show them this group chat and they’ll never want to end up here.

b.is.for.bitch: MOM

queen.of.cleves: mom!

katty.kat: MOM!

catherine.parr: Mom!

ladycatherine: Yet another example of why Jane Seymour is the smartest of all of us

ladycatherine: *kissy face emoji*

* * *

**Sat Apr 13, 1:45 pm**

ladycatherine: OH MY LORD LADIES YOU NEED TO ANSWER RIGHT NOW!

j.seymom: are you okay Catherine?

b.is.for.bitch: capslock cath is a catherine ive never met before

katty.kat: present

queen.of.cleves: here

catherine.parr: all queens accounted for, proceed

ladycatherine: Shithead got on stage in the town square and tried to propose to me

ladycatherine: and then I had to go on stage and turn him down and all the old ladies in town got mad

ladycatherine: so I was forced to do a ten minute set about why shithead is the town’s greatest disappointment!

ladycatherine: I can’t believe I just did that!

catherine.parr: Honey, I am so proud of you.

katty.kat: HELL YES YOU ARE MY FAVORITE

j.seymom: You’re okay Catherine, he started it and I’m sure you didn’t say anything that wasn’t true

queen.of.cleves: I never thought I would say this, but I am in love with you Catherine Aragon

ladycatherine: @b.is.for.bitch Why haven’t you said anything?

katty.kat: She’s laughing so hard she peed her pants, she’s in the bathroom rn

catherine.parr: all I could understand between cackles was that you’re iconic

ladycatherine: On an unrelated note, you are all invited to visit the town any time you want by the mayor to apologize for how poorly one of his constituents treated you all

catherine.parr: I read that to Anne and she collapsed on the floor and puked

catherine.parr: so I take that as her saying she’d love to visit

ladycatherine: I don’t say it often, but I am very thankful we all had the opportunity to meet. I know no one else that would show their appreciation for me by puking and I quite enjoy that power

katty.kat: @ladycatherine your not allowed to say anything else until anne has recovered, I’m afraid your actually going to kill her

ladycatherine: *kissy face emoji*

katty.kat: CATHERINE ARAGON

ladycatherine: Okay, I’m done.


	18. Wine Tastings and Wingwomen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monday night of spring break and the shenanigans continue, someone is D R U N K.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Fretboardsandstraps suggested that Jane should be drunk over break, and I had planned on Cleves getting drunk and texting the queens, and some how this was born. I love it so much, you are all so welcome. And yes, the first line is a reference to Get Down, I couldn't resist.  
> Also Jane Seymour did actually have a sister named Elizabeth, so that's were Liz came from; thank you wikipedia!

* * *

**Mon Apr 15, 9:41 pm**

qween.of.cleves: okay ladies get in formation

qween.of.cleves: i need wing women and my friends are being boring

catherine.parr: how do you expect us to be wing women from an entirely different country?

qween.of.cleves: by having a better attitude about it CATHerINE

ladycatherine: Did your friends not go out with you?

katty.kat: you shouldn’t be out drinking alone, it’s dangerous

qween.of.cleves: they’re here but theyre nerds and are still learning how to party

qween.of.cleves: none of them are prepared to help me hook up with the cute girl at the bard

b.is.for.bitch: im such a good wing woman

qween.of.cleves: you are literlly the worst wing woman ever

b.is.for.bitch: LIES AND SLANDER

qween.of.cleves: you either steal my girl or embarass me by being a mess and scare her away

b.is.for.bitch: …

b.is.for.bitch: you have fun by yourself then im gonna go back to having a rgeat night with my fun friends unlike you

katty.kat: are we your fun friends???

b.is.for.bitch: yes kat and cat are my new fun friends and anne num 2 is a boring mean friend

j.seymom: HEY

j.seymom: u cant be mean cause thats not niceee

catherine.parr: what the fuck is happening?

ladycatherine: Are you okay Jane?

j.seymom: I AM

j.seymom: i am

j.seymom: i am GREAET

b.is.for.bitch: omg omg omg omg

b.is.for.bitch: CODE GREY ITS HAPPENING

katty.kat: mom have you been drinking?

j.seymom: because you asked nicely i will tell u

j.seymom: i went to a wine tasting

j.seymom: and i drank ALLLLLLLLL of the wine

ladycatherine: You’re supposed to only take a sip Jane.

j.seymom: but they poured so much, i didn want to waste it!!!!

j.seymom: Hello, this is Jane’s sister Liz and the designated driver, just letting you know that she is not alone and doing just fine. I will now return her phone so she can continue to embarrass herself, you’re welcome.

b.is.for.bitch: westan liz

qween.of.cleves: yes liz!

ladycatherine: Thanks for letting us know Liz, we appreciate it.

j.seymom: Liz is short for lizard

j.seymom: *laughing crying emoji*

j.seymom: its not but wouldnt that be AMAZBALLS

qween.of.cleves: okay I have given up my hope of going home witht he cute girl and am giving all my attnetion to drunk mom

catherine.parr: good, this deserves our full attention

j.seymom: i saw a cute boy and i FLIRTED with him

j.seymom: i didn tell him about my five kids tho

b.is.for.bitch: moms got game

katty.kat: that’s okay mom, that’s more of a second date topic

j.seymom: it was a DATE?!?!?!

j.seymom: i didn no that

j.seymom: lizard said it wasnt a date but he did give me my number

j.seymom: mamas gonna have a date later!

catherine.parr: nice mom

b.is.for.bitch: im sorry am i psychic

b.is.for.bitch: will everyone please scroll up and reread my text from thursday

ladycatherine: Okay, I’ll admit that is an unprecedented coincidence.

katty.kat: thats crazy annie, how did you know???

j.seymom: oh annie annie annie i am soooo proud of youuuuu

b.is.for.bitch: thank you mom

qween.of.cleves: remember to drink water mom, but whatever you do don’t stop texting us

j.seymom: i wouldnt do that anneee you guys are my BESTIES

catherine.parr: your our bestie too

j.seymom: Liz again, we just got home and Jane is crying and just telling us how much she loves you guys, so I’m going to feed her some greasy food and set her up watching the Office, she’ll text you guys in the morning.

qween.of.cleves: NOOooo

b.is.for.bitch: we wanna talk to drunk janey

catherine.parr: bye mom!

katty.kat: mo please stay and hang out with us

ladycatherine: When you read this in the morning Jane don’t be embarrassed, we love you no matter what.

b.is.for.bitch: stop being nice w want to enable bad habits

ladycatherine: We really do not.

j.seymom: *picture attached*

j.seymom: To make up for ending her embarrassing texting thread.

qween.of.cleves: okay you are forgiven


	19. Chaos House has a Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited Nicholas Sparks marathon that Katherine demanded is here, but of course Annie and Cat had to put their own twist on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wanted to space out chapters about them getting drunk because I don't want ti to seem that they have a drinking problem, and also because I don't drink so I'm making it all up, but it's spring break for them so I feel like they would let loose.
> 
> Also I had no idea it was July today, I legitimately thought it was June 31st, so I'm definitely using my brain at it's full capacity lately.

* * *

**Tues Apr 16, 7:15 pm**

catherine.parr: Alright ladies, here in the House of Chaos we are having a Nicholas Sparks marathon. If you would like to play our drinking game at home, here are the rules:

catherine.parr: Drink when, 1. The guy says something insensitive and the girl gets mad

b.is.for.bitch: 2. the girl says she doesnt need a guy to feel complete or something

catherine.parr: 3. The guy takes of his shirt

b.is.for.bitch: 4. someone cries

catherine.parr: 5. They dramatically kiss

catherine.parr: drink twice if its raining when they kiss

b.is.for.bitch: 6. you find out someone is sick/dying

catherine.parr: 7. Traumatic flashback

b.is.for.bitch: 8. theyr on a beach

catherine.parr: 9. Generic white person name like john, tim, ryan

b.is.for.bitch: 10. kat cries

katty.kat: I should be offended, but I really want want to see those movies so im allowing it

ladycatherine: I’m currently with my hometown friends, so we will be opening a bottle of wine and joining you.

b.is.for.bitch: plot twist

j.seymom: It’s vacation, I think Liz and I will also join. Only one glass though, I am not having a repeat of monday so soon.

catherine.parr: but that was so much fun!

katty.kat: tell liz we love her!

b.is.for.bitch: thanks for keeping our mother alive lizard

j.seymom: she is not happy with me for calling her lizard all night

qween.of.cleves: I’m out with my parents tonight, but keep me updated plz

katty.kat: I am demanding we start with Dear John

b.is.for.bitch: kat is incharge of the official itinerary

katty.kat: yes because im the only one here with taste

ladycatherine: Watch it Katherine.

katty.kat: ONly people whos name ends with -atherine have taste

catherine.parr: I approve of that statement

b.is.for.bitch: in that case im just going ot take my dvd player and watch national treasure

qween.of.cleves: wake up ladies, none of us have taste, remember how we all ended up here

ladycatherine: You make a fair point.

katty.kat: okay we’re starting now!

* * *

**Tues Apr 16, 9:02 pm**

b.is.for.bitch: okay the total is twenty sips yall caught up???

j.seymom: liz and I had to move onto iced tea, but we are with you!

ladycatherine: I am ready for the next movie @katty.kat

katty.kat: The Notebook!

catherine.parr: oh shit

b.is.for.bitch: @ladycatherine can you tell god to give my liver another shoutout pls

ladycatherine: You are a heathen and are going straight to hell.

b.is.for.bitch: bc of my spelling of all the girls ive slept with

ladycatherine: The spelling.

ladycatherine: I said a prayer for your livers, I’m starting the next movie now.

catherine.parr: *kissy face emoji*

* * *

**Tues Apr 16, 11:27 pm**

j.seymom: after that, i think you all need to be cut off before you get alcohol poisoning

katty.kat: I’ve been watering down their drinks when they’re not looking Janey

b.is.for.bitch: *GASP*

catherine.parr: That’s low Katherine.

katty.kat: but youre not dead so I’m fine with it

ladycatherine: Yeah, we’re cutting down now too. You’ve inspired us to get some good sweet tea Jane.

j.seymom: Good! Now, what movie is next Kat?

katty.kat: A walk to remember!

b.is.for.bitch: shes picking sad ons jus to try and make me cry but ive never cried in my life

catherine.parr: *video attached*

catherine.parr: Here’s Annie sobbing at the end of The Notebook

b.is.for.bitch: :o

b.is.for.bitch: how coud u do that to me????

ladycatherine: Honesty is important, thank you Cat.

katty.kat: Okay, starting now!

* * *

**Wed Apr 17, 12:53 am**

b.is.for.bitch: kat fell asleep towards the end so the official Nikky Sparks marathon is over

catherine.parr: thanks for playing along at home everyone, tune in next time for another episode of NICKY SPARKS DRINKATHON

…

…

b.is.for.bitch: i think they all passed out

catherine.parr: night guys!

**Author's Note:**

> So that's that. I hoped you liked it! Of you have any ideas or questions or whatever just leave them in the reviews! I actually really liked writing this, I'm hoping it will help me get over my inability to finish anything ever. And I love reading fics like this, they're always really funny so I'm trying my best!


End file.
